Moving the goal posts

I don't know where the past 6 weeks have gone - it's hard to believe that Finley is already almost 7 weeks old.

The past week has been a challenging one as Finley's Fussy Switch has been flipped.  Apparently this is normal at 6 weeks.  My friend Julie calls it the "6 week terrors".  I stopped asking how long these little spells last, as I'm learning something sneaky about the dissemination of parenting advice: everyone keeps moving the goal posts!

When we were in hospital with brand-new Finley, he slept ALOT.  He cried when he was hungry and otherwise was a pretty content little guy.  The night before our departure he cried and cried and cried all night.  We tried all the tricks in our woefully understocked arsenal and eventually got the nurse to come in and help.  She was great and told us not to worry, that it was normal for babies to get really fussy on day 3-4 as the breast milk was not in yet and he was hungry.  She told us we just needed to get through the next few days and he would settle down once the milk came in.

We felt reassured and took a fussy, cluster-feeding 5-day old home the next day.  Our first few days at home were crazy!  We were struggling a bit with the breastfeeding and Finley only liked to sleep cuddled up on someone's chest.   Sleep deprivation was hitting new levels.

After we'd been home for a few days, a public health nurse by the name of Nancy came to the house to check up on us (this is a service offered to all new parents in B.C.)  She was like an angel!  She had all sorts of practical advice about breastfeeding, sleeping, and some tips for new parents.  "Until he's two weeks old, you should just be in survival mode", she warned us.  Great advice, but wait - did she say "two weeks"?  I thought we just had to survive the first few days until the milk came in.... Oh well, we could make it through two weeks!

Sure enough, those two weeks were hard, but we got through.  We got into a feeding rhythm and Finley started sleeping better.  He fussed at times, but for the most part, we felt we had a pretty easy baby.  As he got older we noticed he spent more time in the "quiet alert" state - just chilling out, looking all around him.  Yay!  We then make the mistake of marvelling in what an easy going little guy we had.

The very next day, someone flipped the switch!  Poor Finley had a wretched day - he cried all day, didn't manage a single nap (which made him even more cranky.)  Monday was the worst (I guess even babies hate Mondays!), but this week has been a fussier and crankier Finley, and subsequently, a more exhausted Mommy & Daddy.

Now I heard that crying and fussing hit their peak at 6 weeks.  Two of my good friends just had this experience with their babies and it's confirmed by two of my books and a host of online blogs (it must be true if its on the net!)  Whether it's a growth spurt, gassiness, increased alertness or just plain fussiness, it seems to be a universal truth. Wait, why didn't someone tell me this before?  I thought it was the first two weeks that we had to be in survival mode, but we are in it again!

Last week I ran into a patient of mine at the coffee shop.  She's pregnant with her second baby and I recall her telling me what a easy baby her first was.  I told her that I was having a tough week with Finley and she sympathetically told me that it would pass... "The first three months are like Baby Vietnam".  Her husband nodded his head in agreement.  Three months?  I thought it was a spell from 6 weeks to 8?

They keep moving the goal posts on us!  It's a secret conspiracy that veteran parents use to keep rookie parents in the dark! 

I've seen these tactics before in sports: you just need to get to that tree, or to that mountain, but around the corner there is always a new goal to achieve.  I guess that's the way it goes: parenthood is a ever changing playing field and we need to be ready with new tactics every time a new challenge appears.  But we are up for the task & when Finley flashes us that happy smile, all the sleeplessness is forgotten!

Drowsy but awake: Tales of a nap resister

"Drowsy but awake" - This is a phrase which makes me laugh.  First, it very succinctly describes how I am pretty much all the time.  After medical school and residency, I thought I knew sleep deprivation. Parenthood takes it to a whole new level!

I like to think I'm pretty relaxed person in general, but let's face it - you don't meet a lot of doctors who don't have some type A personality traits.  In the parenting department, my type A personality is trying to "solve" sleep deprivation.  I know that this is a fruitless exercise with a two-month-old baby, but something drives me to read every article, every website, and every book on the subject.  And believe me, there is a lot of material on the subject!

Lately I've been focusing my attention on the all important nap.  I know from my extensive reading as well as from my experience in the last two months, that the key to a good day and a good night is napping.  Before Finley was born, I imagined myself doing exactly what I tell my patients to do: "Sleep when your baby sleeps."  I had visions of my baby peacefully sleeping in the crib, while I peacefully slept in the bed next to him.  Well, unless I learn to nap while walking, that vision is not going to be a reality any time soon.

All the reading I've done on the subject seems to share one common thread of advice: put your baby in his bassinet "drowsy but awake". In theory, they say this will teach your baby to learn how to fall asleep on his own.   The last thing you would want to do is rock, sing  walk, nurse, or otherwise trick your baby into a sleep state before you put him down.   This is a joke that sleep "experts" are playing on new parents.  When it comes to napping in the bassinet, Finley is a conscientious objector.  On the recommendations of my books, I started doing what I call the "nap dance". As soon as I recognized that Finley was tired, I took him to his room.  I would swaddle  him up cozy, then sing and rock him til his eyelids were drooping.  Yes, I admit I sometimes let him fall right to sleep.  Once he was there, I would gently lower him into his bassinet.  The second his body would hit the mattress, he  would wake up crying.  I would then pick him up and repeat.  I once did this for five cycles (nearly two hours!). My book claims he will eventually get it and just peacefully drift off to dreamland.   We could do the nap dance for another hour, or I could pop him into baby-carrier and have him asleep before I get out the front door.  Which is what we do.  At least four times everyday!

Swaddle- check.  Soother- check.  Favourite blankie - check.  White noise - check.  Reassuring hand- check.  
Sleeping baby... er, not so much!

Our little nap-resister will sometimes nap in other places, like on our laps, 

on our chests, 

in Dad's arms,

in his Aunt Kari's arms,

in the big person bed with Throckmorton,

on the sofa,

or in the crook of Grandpa's arm while enjoying a beer with his friend Peter and watching the Tour de France.

But walking in the baby-carrier is his very favourite.  I suspect it's because I walked so much in pregnancy that he's used to jostling around all snuggled up to a warm body.  So we walk and walk and walk!  Finley gets his naps while mommy and daddy get their exercise!  It could be worse- it could be the middle of November, or he could be an environmentally-unfriendly baby who only naps in the car.

Here is a real time shot of Finley napping on me while I write this post.  He is fast asleep, I am drowsy, but awake.  I could do what the books say and wake him to transfer him, drowsy but awake, to the correct napping place, his bed... Or I could let him snooze happily and enjoy this time when my Finley is little and cuddly and just wants to curl up with his mama.  Yes, that sounds much nicer.  

The travelling Finley roadshow

Finley's took his first trip last week!   We are currently on location at Grandma Janet & Grandpa Phil's in Victoria.

Prior to coming over here we spent some time visiting with Grandpa Bruce & Auntie Kari in Squamish.  They came out from Ontario to meet Finley.  They arrived on Father's Day and we had a really lovely sushi dinner with Bruce, Kari, Erica and Shawn.   What an amazing first Father's Day for Derek to have three generations together!

 

It was a great visit & Finley enjoyed lots of nice walks with Bruce and Kari. (More photos will be added in a few days - they are on my laptop in Squamish.)

Being the popular little guy that he is, Finley's social agenda has been very full.  After saying goodbye to Bruce & Kari, we boarded the ferry to Victoria, where we were heading to meet more family.   The trip over was smooth sailing: we even made our goal of catching the 11 o'clock sailing (a feat I can not always claim, even before I had a baby to blame my tardiness on!) As you can see, Finley does not travel light; his gear took up the back of our car!

The family had gathered en mass to meet Finley in Victoria.   We stayed at Mom & Dad (now Grandma & Grandpa) and were greeted on arrival by Finley's great grandparents, Betty and Brian and Unvle Jeremy.  Within days the party was joined by Auntie Briana, who flew in from Toronto, and Auntie Bronwyn, who drove from Portland. 

 It was great to have everyone together.  Finley got lots of cuddles, admiring looks and did lots of nice walks.   Grandma Janet even hosted a party for Finley to meet the neighbours and friends.   Everyone enjoyed Janet's delicious food (except Finley, who enjoyed breast milk!)  Finley seemed to enjoy the attention and got lots of very lovely and generous gifts!  Thanks for the party g-ma & thanks for coming out everyone!   It was fun to show off our little guy!

The weather has been really beautiful in Victoria, so we've been walking tons - to the village, the marina, willows beach, uplands park.... Sometimes as many as three or four walks per day!  Finley almost always falls asleep on our walks, so I'm not sure if he finds them relaxing or boring!   I sure enjoy getting out & about!

They don't call it labour for nothing!

A few people have asked about my labour & delivery story.  For me, it was an incredible experience: the most challenging and rewarding thing I've ever done.  I am not shy, so I am happy to share the story.  I've kept the story on the light side, but if you are at all squeamish about medical stuff, you might find it to be TMI (too much information!)  That said, if you want to know the details of Finley's arrival, read on....

As you know, Finley was born 12 days after his due date.   He takes after his mother, who is regrettably always late.   In the week leading up to delivery, I did everything I could think of to get labour started: long walks, acupuncture, raspberry leaf tea, a traditional Chinese medicine endorsed diet... Nothing seemed to get the ball rolling.  He was quite determined to hang out in his swimming pool as long as he could.

Ok baby, you've kept us waiting long enough!

Trying to shake Rufus out with a hike at Alice Lake

Monitoring Rufus after the due date... Looking pretty happy in there!

He was served with an eviction notice on May 27 at Lion's Gate Hospital.   We started with a cervidil induction.  This is a small tampon-like insert that releases a hormone that is supposed to soften the cervix & get contractions started.  May 27th was a long & painful day, but unfortunately, little progress was made.  The next day we got serious & moved on to more persuasive measures - oxytocin induction.  This is a more powerful synthetic hormone given by IV to get the uterus to start contracting.  May 28th was an even longer & more painful day!  Despite increasing the dose to its maximum, we were not making much progress.  From 9am til early afternoon (time is a blur) I'd gone from 2-3cm to 4-5cm.  It was very discouraging.   At one point I could see that my doctor & nurse were laying the ground-work for a C-section, just to get me primed for the idea.  I was really hoping for a natural delivery, so I was not crazy about the thought of surgery.   My contractions were painful, and knowing that my progress was slow made them more difficult to cope with.   In addition to the pain, terrible nausea & vomiting added to my experience. It was not pretty!!

Either this is a delirious smile or my epidural is working!

My original birth plan was to avoid pain medications, but when I heard what slow progress I was making knew I would have to reconsider.   The nitrous oxide helped a little, but not for long.   Likewise with the fentanyl.   Ultimately I got an epidural, which was put in very quickly and slickly by the anesthetist on-call.  My epidural was slightly lopsided, but with some tweaking it got me good relief.  I fell asleep for about three hours and woke up shivering madly.   The nurse checked my progress and I'd gone from 4-5 cm to fully dilated.  Yay - time to push!  Yay?!?  Yes, I thought "yay" at the time, as I'd often heard that the pushing was so satisfying, that the pain was not a bother as you had something to focus on etc.  Plus I thought "I'm pretty strong, I should be able to get this kiddo out in a few pushes".  

I actually fell asleep in the 2-3 mins between contractions.  Sound asleep!

Nope, it just another hurdle we had to jump!   My epidural was starting to wear off, so the contraction pains were back with a vengance.   I never did get that powerful urge to push; but with the coaching and help of Derek and my nurse, I pushed my little heart out.  I can honestly say I have never worked so hard at anything in my life!  Again there were moments of discouragement. Everyone was telling me that I was making progress, but I couldn't feel any differences or any sense that we are closer to delivery.  At about the three hour mark I was running out of steam. I didn't think I could push any harder or longer. I could see my doctor at the end of the bed watching the situation with a slight shake of her head.  I suggested to her that if there was anything she could do to help the situation that I would be open to that; I was thinking maybe we ought to create a bit more room for baby, if you know what I mean.  Derek told me later that she already had the equipment open and ready at that point.  With the procedure I was able to deliver the head.   But then the shoulders got jammed.  Shoulder dystocia is the term we use to describe a situation where the shoulders get hung up on the pubic bone and baby is stuck.   It can be an obstetrical emergency, but luckily there are a number of maneuvers that can dislodge the shoulders.  For those of us doctors that do deliveries, we know how to do these maneuvers inside and out.  When I could see that I was having shoulder dystocia, I momentarily found myself thinking on the other side of the bed.  Instead of thinking like a patient, I found myself thinking like a doctor!  I kept thinking "somebody do McRoberts maneuver, somebody do a Woods corkscrew!"  I temporarily forgot that my job was actually to be pushing!  Luckily my doctor was doing all the right maneuvers and I still had some good pushes in me.  Both of us were sweating from the effort, but we got those shoulders out and the rest of the body followed with more effort!  I think we actually had torso dystocia and bum dystocia too!   And no wonder he was so hard to deliver - he tipped the scale at a whopping 9 lbs 10 oz!  I almost fell over when they told me!  How did such a big baby fit inside me??  More to the point, how did such a big baby fit out?!?!

First screams:  Lungs are working no problem!

Big Fella!!

Exhausted, relieved & happy!

By the time Finley was born, my labour had become a spectator sport.   In the last hour of labour we started to have some signs of stress to the baby; I had a fever, there was meconium in the amniotic fluid, and the fetal heart rate was elevated.  So we had the whole pediatric team in the room to look after Finley.   With the shoulder dystocia, we had also gathered a big obstetrical team: my doctor, two nurses, a med student and the obstetrician.   It was a full house.   It didn't bother me though; I was totally in my own zone, just trying to get through one contraction at a time.

When Finley arrived he went straight to the pediatrician.   I heard him let out a good loud scream, a most reassuring sound to a worried mama!   The pediatrician was an amazing doc who I knew well from numerous phone consultations we'd had on shared patients.  As she looked after Finley she called out to me:  "Heart rate is good, colour is good, etc", so I knew he was ok.   I didn't know if baby was a girl or boy yet, til I heard someone say: "What a big boy!"  Finley!

Finley had a fever when he was born, and was white as a ghost.   Given the few complications at the end of the labour, the pediatrician decided to run a few tests on him.   She was concerned that he might have an infection, so she recommended antibiotics and admission to the special care nursery.   He was stable though, so they let me hold and cuddle him before he had to go to the nursery.

Seeing and holding Finley for the first time was unforgettable.   I was surprised when I saw him:  So big!  So fair!   So blond!  He was perfect!   He snuggled right up on my chest and it felt like we'd always known each other.  It was so powerful and wonderful to have my little guy on my chest and my amazing hubby at my side. I've never been so much in love.

Words can't describe

Finley only had to stay in the nursery for two days and then he came to our room.  He did super well and has been a strong eater from the start.

In total we were in the hospital for five days. There are so many people that we want to thank for that excellent care we got.  All of the doctors that saw me through my induction and the nurses were amazing. Particularly our nurse Pam, who was with us through the delivery.  She was an unbelievable coach and an awesome support.  Thanks also to all the nurses in the special care nursery who looked after Finley in his first couple days.  Once he moved over to the ward and we faced our first fussy night with Finley, the nurses there were also amazing at helping us through.

My biggest thanks of all goes to Derek. He was absolutely unflappable, amazing and supportive through my labour.  I can't imagine being looked after better than that.

Visiting 1 day old Finley in the nursery

Say hello to Daddy!

 Daddy gets a cuddle

We both need a nap after that hard labour!

The joys & surprises of new parenthood

Finley is two weeks old today!  These two weeks have defied the laws of physics:  it has felt like both an eternity and like the blink of an eye.   An eternity because it's been a crazy roller coaster of a two weeks, and I've been up for more sleepless nights than even my toughest residency rotation.  It's gone by on a flash because I can already see that our little guy is growing and changing day by day.   Sometimes I want to press the pause button and make a moment linger just a little longer.

New parenthood is definitely the most humbling of experiences.   No matter how much you read, or how much people tell you or warn you, I'm pretty sure nothing could get a person ready for these first couple weeks with a newborn. You may think that you are pretty organized, accomplished and capable person, but within days of bringing your baby home you'll find yourself wandering around your house in your underwear, exhausted, unkempt, stomach empty, crying your eyes out because the breast-feeding is so much harder than you anticipated.  

But it's also been the most amazing two weeks. We are loving every moment we get to know Finley better.  He's such an awesome little guy with so many expressions, so much personality and ridiculously cuddly.  It's sounds cliche, but true: he's completely stolen our hearts.

I've got alot to blog about;  I want to share a little bit about the labour and delivery, grandma and grandpa's visit, and of course share umpteen million photos of Finley.  But blogging and new parenting aren't that compatible for me, so I'll keep this one brief.  For now I will let the pictures do the talking, and will post more once we are all a bit more rested (in 12 months or so!)